i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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