Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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