i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
