How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
