someone get that fucking seahorse.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize