I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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