Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
