I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
