Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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