Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
