You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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