Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
