The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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