we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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