The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I want to be your penis for a week.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
