i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
im having a threesome with these popsicles
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
