They have a pepper shaker for pot.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
