Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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