matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Randomize
