Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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