So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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