its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
