Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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