Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You are a genius and a whore.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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