Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
