so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize