goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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