i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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