margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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