I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
