My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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