girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
