My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
How external is "for external use only"?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
