Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
