god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
