i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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