i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
