Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
