They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
