im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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