he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
