i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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