I accidentally had phone sex last night
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
