My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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