We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
