alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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