i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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