Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
