george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize