a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
