Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
