I CAN MOONWALK!
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
