He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
