I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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