how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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