I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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