So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
