hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
