I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
this just has baby written all over it
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
