I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
