There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
