Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
