I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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