you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Randomize
