Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
