This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Rumble strips road head = magical
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Randomize