I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
