So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
