So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
