Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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