i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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